


Perched

by Samsara



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Adolescent Sexuality, Aggression, Anxiety Disorder, Bastard Children, Bullying, Classroom Aesthetic, Coming of Age, Coping, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends, Everything Hurts, Exploration, First Time, Friends With Benefits, Growing Up, High School, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Masturbation, Multi, Other, Past Relationship(s), Polyamory, Rejection, Relationship Issues, Second Chances, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, Sexual Fantasy, Shame, Single Parents, Teenage Drama, Third Wheels, Third Years, Unrequited Love, precious cinnamon roll too good for this world too pure, samsara scream @ own ass
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2015-05-12
Packaged: 2018-03-29 03:46:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3881065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samsara/pseuds/Samsara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He'd come to see himself as a perched crow. Always sitting on the phone lines, wings constantly fluttering in preparation to take off, but never quite building up the courage to take flight. Maybe it was a broken wing somewhere in his past, or maybe he'd never learned how to fly when he was young. But it was most likely that he just needed the encouragement and the right sort of motivation in order to take the opportunity to take to the skies.</p><p>This was the life of Ennoshita Chikara. Hesitant. Anxious. Unremarkable.</p><p>But with the other crows upon the phone line looking to him for guidance, there's no questioning it. He would have to fly and turn his unremarkable into extraordinary. If they all had faith in his leadership, why didn't he?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: The Unremarkable Ennoshita Chikara

**Author's Note:**

> OH BOY HERE WE GO. I'll be adding characters and ships as I go!

He was studious to say the least.

He wasn't anything truly remarkable, but he was something. Where others lacked, he was capable of rising above. Never for long, of course. And always...it seemed thankless. But he rose to the occasion when he was called upon, and though he doubted himself, he was still up for the task. Even if it ended in failure.

  
He couldn't understand sometimes why his captain was so willing to encourage him. Furthermore, he couldn't always understand why his fellow second years had faith in him either.

  
Unremarkable.

  
That's what he was.

  
Regardless, Ennoshita applied himself to everything he undertook. Whether it be his grades, his films or his role on the court. He was determined to take everything seriously, but not too the point where it broke him. He saw what overly dedicating yourself to too much at once did to people. He was willing to make sacrifices, but not at the cost of his own health and happiness.

  
When it came to games, he always reminded himself of something very crucial: this was the third years last chance. There's no need to feel spiteful. Yet, at times he often wondered why the first years had so much of an opportunity? He'd often glance at Sugawara, noting that though he seemed content to be at the bench, cheering on his teammates, he was likely crushed inside that he couldn't participate as much as he used to.

  
In a way, Ennoshita had accepted that this was probably part of their punishment for having abandoned the team for so long. Kinoshita had suggested something like that before, and he couldn't disagree. He couldn't argue any of it because in a way, this was their just desserts.

  
And frankly, his being summoned to the court was likely his personal punishment. It was as if the universe said "You thought you could come back to practice scott free, we now we have to test you to make sure you're prepared."

  
So with every smack of the ball against his forearms, and every sting that struck his palms and with each graze of his finger tips against the edge -- he would tell himself, this was his punishment. And he took it proudly, without hesitation. Because deep down he knew he deserved the pressure upon his shoulders. And right upon the surface, he also knew he deserved his place in the sun, just as much as the others. And though he performed, and though he succeeded, he was still filled with such regret and disappointment.

  
He'd heard from a couple second years at other schools that it wasn't unheard of for second years to be benched most of the time. It gave the third years their last chance on the court, and it got the first years accustomed. Second years, if they were lucky, would get to play a couple times a year. But it was still a crucial factor.

  
Ennoshita had come to start thinking of himself as a perching crow. Everyone on the team seemed to have their alias as one of the crows of the school, but he was the one on the perch. Wings out, feathers ruffled -- intending to take flight, but waiting for the right moment. However, entirely content to remain where he was upon the powerlines. From his eyes, Sugawara was certainly a migrating crow. Darting back and forth between the bench and to the court to replace Kageyama when things took a turn for the worst. He belonged both on the fence and out in the world at the same time. Yamaguchi too. Not quite migratory, more like a co-dependent crow -- something like that.

  
And then one day, with wings outstretched, tracking the sun and observing the rustling of the tree leaves as a gust swept through, Ennoshita was no longer perched. He'd taken flight. A flight with absolutely no direction. Whether he led them north to a comfortable climate, or south to possible expiration was all dependent on the alpha crow. Sure, birds didn't usually have alphas. But...

  
Sawamura Daichi was as close as there could ever be to an alpha bird.

  
And the perched crow was entrusted in the alpha's stead.

In hindsight, Ennoshita still didn't know how to feel about Daichi's decision to leave him in charge in his stead. It was strange to say the least, and Ennoshita didn't quite know if he liked the idea of potential leadership over the club. In fact, he'd rejected Daichi's request at moving up every chance he had. With a tap of his pencil against his cheek, he studied the gym class outside -- mostly the unathletic kids remained, trying to jump hurdles -- trying to figure out why the scene outside was putting him on edge. Assuming it was just his own anxiety, he tried to tear himself away from the spectacle outside. Thankfully with the steady chim of a bell, lunch was announced and he was able to free himself from his thoughts.

  
Collecting his belongings, he sighed as he peered within his bag, finding he'd forgotten his lunch. So much for being on his A-game for practice later. He'd have to settle for getting bread from downstairs. That is if he was lucky enough to get there fast enough before everything sold out. Chest heaved and he opted to try his luck, making his way toward the sliding door to the hallway. Yet as it opened, he received the unapologietically bright smile of his captain, offering him a salute (of all things!!) as he stood in his way.

  
"Seems I got you at a good time, Ennoshita-san!" he greeted cheerfully, stepping aside so the second year could maneuver around him. "Will you be at practice today?"

  
It was as if the universe was still punishing him again. Teasing this time. As if Daichi wanted to be sure that this ungrateful second year student was going to come to practice. It seemed likely that Daichi would want to check up on him and the others after they had turned their back on the club before. Ennoshita offered him a nod as well as a polite smile before speaking, "I may be a bit late -- I don't have any lunch and I may run out to grab something before practice."

  
"No lunch? You want some of mine?" the captain rose an brow, almost as if he were disappointed in his future replacement for being so absent-minded. "I've been overpacking lately anyways." He reached out, clapsing a hand to Ennoshita's shoulder, the smile still present but seeming almost a bit as if he were scolding him.

  
"N-no, thank you, Daichi!" Ennoshita insisted momentarily. "I was going to see if I could grab some bread before they sold out. It's no big deal!"

  
The hand slipped around Ennoshita's shoulders, tugging him toward the other athlete's side pulling him into a somewhat inescapable grasp. "Nonsense, there's a couple things I wanted to ask you about anyways!"

  
_Ah_ , here it was.

The previous year, Ennoshita had something that he would call a not-quite-friends-but-not-quite-something-more relationship with the captain. He had hoped back then it was actually something more, but lately he seemed pretty content to believe it was simply...a different form of sportsmanship. He could even recall sitting upright in his bed one night and looking at Daichi and asking: "Are we something?" To which the response was only "If you want us to be."

  
Even now, Ennoshita wasn't sure what that meant. When he mentioned it to Narita and Kinoshita they seemed to believe that the two had been an item, but it was up to the sleepy-eyed second year to decide. He still couldn't be sure. After all, doubting things seemed to be part of his nature.

  
With Daichi's arm around his shoulders, it felt like things had never come between them. It wasn't necessarily a bad parting of ways, schedules just seemed to conflict enough that they just stopped having time for each other. And by the time either of them had a chance to rekindle anything -- Daichi was dating Sugawara, and well. His own feelings aside, Ennoshita didn't want to make waves. His hand resting upon one shoulder, calloused fingers pressing into the muscle in an almost stationary massaging motion. Daichi's cheerful laughter -- the kind from outside of practice. The kind the first years hadn't truly experienced yet -- and the scent of...of...

  
_He was still wearing it._

  
He'd gotten Daichi that cologne (a gift suggested by his mother) for Christmas one year. When they were sort-of an item. To catch that scent on him was cause enough for Ennoshita to allow himself to incline his head to sneak a glimpse of his captain. On this rare occasion, his eyes lacked the perpetual tiredness that he was unfortunately accursed with, and instead he was alert and bright-eyed, amazed to find the scent upon the other male. Such a simple, tiny little quirk that didn't go unnoticed to Ennoshita. And how it meant the world to him.

  
As they traversed through the halls, Ennoshita tried to make small talk with Daichi, yet it seemed that he wanted nothing more than to keep him silent until they reached the roof. Somewhere where no one would yell at them if Ennoshita's decline of the position of captain happened to reach higher volumes than necessary.

  
He had rejected Daichi twice in this department. But it was truly seeming that no matter how much he protested, the job was going to him. It seemed the only way that they would be able to give the position to anyone else at this rate, would be for Nishinoya to give up his libero position. The chances of that were as likely as Ennoshita's chances of getting with Daichi once again.

  
With the door to the roof pushed open and Daichi quickly ushering Ennoshita to a particular series of benches, they found themselves with a third party. Sugawara was already present, waving politely at the duo as they came to join him. By his side was a trio of lunches which were passed to Daichi and Ennoshita graciously.

  
"Sorry to trick you like this," Sugawara said somewhat apologetically as he made his thanks for the meal before opening the box and starting to make his way through it. To his right, Ennoshita noticed Daichi performing the ritual as well, not hesitating to break into the block of rice.

  
"I wasn't tricked," Ennoshita said, thanking Sugawara for the lunch, a laugh on his lips. "I had a feeling that I couldn't say no to Daichi and I would be led to you."

  
"Is that so?" Sugawara asked, gazing at Daichi who glanced at him, cheeks full to bursting with his meal as the captain feigned ignorance before swallowing. "Well I suppose we don't need to inform you why we need to speak with you."

  
With a small bite, Ennoshita shook his head eyes closed in an attempt to avoid eye contact with the others. "I appreciate your faith in me, but my answer is still no. I don't think I have what it takes."

  
There was a harsh swallowing sound, followed by a cough as Daichi's hand found its way to Ennoshita's shoulder again -- causing a soaring in the males chest -- turning him slightly to face him. "We're not even asking anymore, Chikara. You are literally the only person we can ask at this rate."

  
"We've tried speaking with the other second years already and frankly..." Sugawara muttered something to Daichi about needing to eat his vegetables, and proceeded to lift the ignored cherry tomato from his lunch into his mouth. "All of your classmates are recommending you. It's not just us who have faith in you."

  
"And the first years just aren't ready. They've got too much baggage between them still. Great as they are -- " Daichi made an attempt at chewing the tomato but spat it into a napkin, complaining that it was too soft. "They're not cut out for it. They don't have the right sense to keep the team in check both on a social level and on a competitive level. If we left one of them in charge, we'd --"

  
"We'd have anarchy." Sugawara interrupted between bites of his own lunch. "We feel like it would end with a rivalry between Hinata and Kageyama and Tsukishima and Yamaguchi and well." He offered a smile to Ennoshita that in its own way felt threatening. Coersive even. "We're trying to fix that feud, aren't we?"

  
Daichi's hand pressed on to his shoulder again and caught Ennoshita's gaze. He knew that this was something the typically passive student wasn't gung-ho about. In fact he knew more about Ennoshita's insecurities on the court than he would let on to Sugawara. "We're counting on you, Chikara. This is your chance."

 

And so, he was at a standstill.

  
The universe whispered into Ennoshita's ear. " _This is your punishment._ " And again, he was standing on the court in Daichi's place. It was his serve. There were two options here.

  
First. He could botch the serve. Whether on purpose or on accident. Either way he would be lining this team up for failure. He would have disappointed Daichi. He would have shown that he wasn't suited for it.

  
Mentally, he stood at the edge of the court. The ball was in his hands. The timer was ticking down. If he didn't serve in the next few seconds, he would let everyone down. The ball in his hands grew heavy. Like it was slowly morphing its way into a medicine ball, weighing him down and making the choice even more difficult and making the serve more impossible.

  
The timer was almost to zero, the ball felt like an anvil in his palms.

  
Second. He could serve. And mean it. He could serve and he could lead this team to victory again. He could show the world that these crows didn't just have a streak of good luck. He could show them that even with weight on their hands and shoulders that these crows were no longer flightless.

  
Time slowed down. The volleyball had the weight of dreams of eight others poured into it. A weight that was certainly enough to cause some others to drop to their knees in defeat. But that weight was what drove him. Standing on the courts edge, he took a step, and wings that had been left open for flight but were too apprehensive spread wide, prepared for lift off. From his hands, Ennoshita tossed that volleyball -- seemingly effortless and weightless -- and pushed from the ground with his toes. With arm out stretched, palm at the ready, he struck the ball.

 

 

Silence had nestled in among the three of them after Daichi's words had drifted off, leaving Ennoshita to quietly contemplate what was offered to him. It was a hard decision to make for the youth. They had faith in him. His team mates had faith in him. Even though he ran away before...They still believed in him.

  
"You've never let me down. You've never let us down." came the words of his colleagues as he swallowed another bit of rice.

  
Ennoshita did not think himself as anything particularly remarkable for a volleyball player. He was observant and was a decent team member and he learned from watching his teammates. But he didn't consider himself remarkable.

  
Somewhere, a volleyball with the weight of the dreams of eight other players lands dead center of the opposing court.

  
And the final set is won, scored by none other than Ennoshita Chikara.

 

He closes the bento and sets it down next to him, inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly.

  
"Alright. I'll be captain."


	2. Hypersensitive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, right. So I have this headcanon...that Ennoshita has hypersensitive anxiety attacks. More often than not it's tactile hypersensitivity, but sometimes it can cause from an emotional or sensory overload.

When Daichi's hands ran down his stomach, Ennoshita had to push him away the first time. Looking up at him from his crouched over position, Daichi accepted defeat and sat upright to look at his then-lover who was preoccupied with tugging his shorts up again. His face was warm as Daichi placed one of the removed hands to his cheeks. He didn't need light to tell him that Ennoshita was flushed and a bit uncomfortable with the situation.

  
"Too fast?" a second year Daichi asked as he sat between the others spread legs, resting his other hand on his knee in a somewhat relaxing gesture, finger tracing small circles in the flesh. With hand to his mouth, trying to avoid showing too much vulnerability, Ennoshita nodded.

  
"J-just a little..." he admitted softly, discovering that he had shuddered in response to Daichi's finger upon his knee. "...Th-that too." he inclined his head in a way to gesture toward his knee. "I'm not sure if I like it." Daichi withdrew his hand and nodded shifting around so he could get cozy with the other male, arms cautious of where they lay down.

  
"We don't have to tonight." He said, taking the oppotunity to roll out from between Ennoshita's legs and to his side instead. Hand catches the younger's and clasps tightly around it in order to reassure him that there's no harm in having to pass on their planned activities. "I'm not too sure what's considered fast or slow anyways." Ennoshita too curled up on his side, lifting their entwined hands to examine the differences between them. Daichi's were much wider than his, covered in tiny nicks and scrapes and more worn from a life spent much more dedicated to their sport.

  
"I still want to." Ennoshita sighed softly, squeezing Daichi's hand as he adjusted himself closer to him. "It seemed like we jumped into it. Really quickly. I want it to feel, well --"

  
Daichi squeezed his hand again, offering a smile and a somewhat brief kiss to the top of Ennoshita's head. "Natural, right?"

  
As Daichi pulls away, Ennoshita was able to take a moment to look him over. His jaw, not quite fully matured yet still held the strong outline of the next years captain. Everything about him was so much more refined than he was. Powerful features -- nose, cheeks, chin, jaw. All of it was so admirable. But then those eyes. This was one of those moments where the older male didn't have the coldness behind them that he did when he was absorbed in the game. They were gentle and accepting, grateful to be looking at the person who laid next to him.

  
For a while, he had been a hands on learner. He discovered things through touch and he had found creating was something that made things easier for him to comprehend. It was why he had enjoyed making films. Being able to hold a camera and capture things around him was enough to make things easier on him. That covered some of his bases, and then the press of the volleyball on his hands covered the rest.

  
"Do you need to feel around first?" Daichi asked, guiding their held hands to his face so Ennoshita could feel the texture of flesh and scruff from not shaving earlier that morning. "Take your time. I don't mind waiting." And so his hand released Ennoshita's, allowing the hesitant first year to delicately run his finger tips over Daichi's cheek toward his jaw -- noting a small bump here and there from possible acne beneath the skin, or maybe just blemishes from playground rough-housing -- and then down to his neck. He tuned in, listening to the nearly inaudible whistle of his breath while Daichi allowed Ennoshita to explore, feeling the way his neck hilled and valleyed over the veins. He lingered there, somehow relishing in the quickened flickering of Daichi's pulse.

  
He felt so human. This was natural. Wasn't it. Ennoshita leaned in closer, noting the way Daichi's eyes had shut, perhaps being swept away by the hand upon him. No longer did he appear strong and powerful, but submissive and eager to please. It was an attractive -- although almost uncharacteristic -- look on him.

  
Ennoshita finally dragged his hand away from his neck, tracing toward Daichi's bare chest, examining the varying depths of skin due to the strengthened muscle. And as hands explored, knuckle brushing against one of the others males nipples, he could hear the trickle of breath growing heavier. Perhaps an invitation to study further, Ennoshita had though taking the risk a moment to press fingers around either side, pinching curiously.

  
Perhaps a bit too hard as Daichi groaned, almost surprising Ennoshita who started to withdraw his hand, only for the upperclassmen to clasp the hand to his chest, eyes opening again.

  
"Getting comfortable?" he asked, suddenly finding murmuring an apology at the unexpectedly forceful gesture. "Sorry, that was fast too, wasn't it?"

  
But this time, Ennoshita shook his head. Daichi was correct. He was comfortable now. Daichi felt natural, and he'd become more accustomed to the person sharing his bed with him. "I'm good now." he said quietly, leaning in to kiss the other lightly, curiously remaining against him longer than necessary to understand the textures and temperature of him. "Lay back, okay? I'm ready."

  
With Daichi on his back and the crack between the curtains letting in just a smidge of light from the street lamps outside, Ennoshita slowly made his way on to his lap, hands pressed to his chest. There's a bit of apprehension in his motions as fingers crasp the edge of his shirt, tugging it up over his head, discarding it on the floor. His flesh is hardly toned. A couple lines here and there, but nothing extraordinary. He was mostly still soft with very little roughness. A couple scuffs from flying falls during club meetings but he, but he was still delicate by comparison.

  
Ennoshita nodded to Daichi, plucking one of his hands from the bed, placing his palm on his stomach. "You can pick up where you left off." And the smile on Daichi's face said it all.

 

* * *

 

 

Next practice, it was annoyed that Ennoshita would be the next captain of the Karasuno volleyball club. They'd be shuffling numbers the following practice for the following year. If someone had a personal attachment to their number they were permitted to keep it. This was implemented, of course, due to Hinata almost instantly yelping about his desire to keep his ten so he could follow in the path of his hero. Pats on the back were all around in the club that day, particularly from Daichi and Sugawara, who regarded Ennoshita with some semblance of pride. Coming from a touch-sensitive, delicate first year to the club's new captain. It was both a wondrous moment and a bitter sweet one.

  
There had been another question on everyone's minds and it was made clear pretty quickly as Nishinoya made a point of jumping and waving his hand around like an eager grade school student. "So, who's gonna be our vice captain, Enno-san!?" he called out, making Ennoshita's first job as captain official.

  
On the spot. On the edges of the court once again, he stood there almost dumb struck. Putting thought into this was going to be time consuming. Thankfully, first years were a blessing in disguise as Hinata opted to call out: "Why not you, NIshinoya?! You'd be awesome!!" leading to a slightly disruptive chaos with the libero as the center of attention, allowing his ego to get the best of him.

  
And along with his first question as a new captain, Ennoshita was put on the spot to calm his underclassmen. And quickly. Somewhere at the back of the croud, he could already hear Tsukishima making comments, questioning his leadership abilities. He knew it wasn't malicious, but it was enough to cause the youth to compose himself with a sharp inhale, as if prepared to shout among the noise.  
But thankfully for him, another spoke on his behalf.

  
"I'll remind you, that Ennoshita-san won't be captain until next term. He has a while yet to decide who's taking over for him!" Daichi announced, voice practically booming over the others. "Second years will have priority for the position, but first years are welcome to make a case for the position as well."

  
He hoped that he'd be able to rise to the same ranks as Daichi, who had clasped that familiar hand to his shoulder -- a small twinging of nerves, of course, but nowadays it was the most pleasant of surges.  
"Don't worry. You'll wrangle them in." he said, reassuring him, palms squeezing. "I have faith in you."

 

As practice came to a close, everyone seemed to depart in pairs or trios, as per usual. But it was in different orders this time. Ennoshita was required to stay later than he had in the past, but it was namely so Daichi could begin to give him the official lowdown on the process of being captain. Or at least that was the intension. Ukai and Takeda-sensei couldn't stick around, so they had to let the captain and his replacement bring their discussion elsewhere, leaving the gym to be locked up instead.

  
"You know," Daichi said, a little frustrated at his inability to be able to review protocol with Ennoshita that night. "This would be one thing if we had assigned you captain earlier in the year, but term's almost over. Doing this tonight was pretty important." Annoyed, but not necessarily in bad spirits, he motioned for Ennoshita to follow him as they left school grounds. "Guess we'll do this later then, huh?"

  
Daichi offered Ennoshita a glance and a smile that in the simplest terms could be describe as nostalgic. Eyes darted away momentarily, trying to avoid direct contact since Ennoshita knew precisely what would happen if they met. Warmth would trickle over his face, and he'd become stricken with fluttering in his gut. It was Daichi, after all.

  
"You know," he said as they walked together, zipping his jacket to stave off some of the cooler air. "It's been a while since we walked home like this."

  
Past the gate now, Daichi stopped, glancing at Ennoshita. He was surprised with himself. He never expected he'd say something like that. Especially in this sort of setting. Maybe being dubbed captain had given him that sliver of confidence he'd been lacking to say anything before. Maybe he figured, like the weighted volleyball, it was worth a shot to say something to Daichi. He might make the serve.

  
He noted the hue difference on Daichi's cheeks -- only briefly -- before he laughed, almost brushing off the comment. It had been worth a shot, although within himself Ennoshita could feel the pang of rejection.

  
"It has been, huh?" Daichi said, scratching by one of his sideburns, seeming to become preoccupied with a small patch longer than the rest. He'd pried his gaze away, focused forward rather than to his side. "That was ah, about this time last year, right?"

  
Ennoshita shifted his bag on to his shoulder, nodding and remaining rather polite in his speech. "Yeah, you had been appointed captain officially. You had to take over because the third years were finishing exams. You were pretty busy." There was a beat in his words. "Too busy, maybe." Instantly, he began to internally beat himself up. It was a terrible thing to say. Daichi's silence was enough for Ennoshita to know the'd said something wrong. Perhaps. But within that silence also came the sound of a zipper as Daichi rummed through his bag, pulling out a package of chewing up. He held it out for Ennoshita, offering him a piece (which he then declined) as he folded a strip of the candy into his mouth.

  
After a few chews, those powerful features softened and the sad smile upon his lips almost made Ennoshita feel guilty. As if...maybe he'd done something wrong.

  
"Yeah...I was." he admitted as the two of them remained still momentarily. "That wasn't really fair to you, was it?"

  
Clenching was the best word Ennoshita could have called the twisting in his chest. It was like someone had shoved a hand through his ribcage and had begun squeezing his head like a sponge, draining him of life. But yet, it was an almost refreshing sensation. Daichi knew. He knew he'd done him wrong. He was flushed, eyes averted away from the upperclassmen, lips pursed in thoughtful contemplation, blended with the pangs of heartache.

  
"I probably should've spent more time with you then, huh?" Daichi murmured as he discarded the wrapper for his gum. He too had made a point of looking away from Ennoshita. Like two grade school kids trying to make nice after a playground fight, they couldn't bring themselves to clear the air. "What kind of asshole am I?" It was a put down at Daichi's own expensive, but in a way, it was almost an apology.

  
"Daichi?" Ennoshita quickly said after the put-down, glancing toward him a moment, making sure to stand by his side again, so this time if there was to be eye contact it wouldn't be as unpleasant as the situation seemed to call for.

* * *

 

Like that, he was looking through the net. Center court Daichi stood there, but Ennoshita was still on the edges. It wasn't his serve. It was no one's. The ball was in play, being passed by invisible players. Eyes followed the ball as it moved about. Slowly. Back and forth. Never once coming to either of them. The ball was being passed and scored by everyone but them. The dialogue between them wasn't being spoken.

  
And like that. The ball came flying toward Ennoshita. Tossed from an unseen setter. He was no ace, but this was his ball. Wings outstretched, he lept. Palm struct for a spike over the net.

  
Only for Daichi to crouch down and receive.

* * *

 

"Yeah?" he said, turning his gaze to view Ennoshita as a person -- not a player -- for the first time in many months.

  
He inhaled, much like he had during the club meeting as he poised himself to take charge of the rowdy first and second years. Ennoshita became composed. Calmed. A replica with his own flair of the former captain. Ignoring the heat and the clenching that echoed through him, he found himself asking a very familiar question:

  
"What _were_ we?"

  
It had been nearly a year in the making for Daichi to make the receive. And when he made it, it was the kind of receive that told Ennoshita that this ball would still be in place.

  
"We were a couple." Daichi said, the response being something Ennoshita had thought about for months.

  
With a hand to his chest his interrogation resumed, voice suddenly becoming firm. Fingers grasped at the fabric of his jacket, as other hand balled into a fist at his side. "Daichi, who was _I_ to _you_?!"

  
In the court within Ennoshita's head he leapt at the net's edge, blocking the ball from reaching over, allowing Daichi to put the ball into play further.

  
The receive took longer this time as Daichi was likely studying Ennoshita's face, noting the frustration and years worth of anxiety that had etched itself into this one expression. It was concern. Fear. Pain. Dedication. Loyalty. And above all, respect. He stood immobile momentarily, shocked at the outburst of his classmate, and yet nearly proud. Seconds ticked past before Daichi found that he had yet to respond, the words coming slowly from his lips.

  
"...My boyfriend."

* * *

 

 

Daichi leaned up, propping himself up with his elbows as his palm rested on Ennoshita's cheek, guiding him in close for a tender, but still somewhat inexperienced kiss. Calmed and prepared now, Ennoshita took the embrace eagerly, growing quickly wrapped up in that exciting sensation of discovering anothers heart racing with their own. He had leaned down, almost laying upon Daichi at this point, as they found one another going at different paces.

  
They broke the kiss, sharing an innocent chuckle with one another. One moved rapidly, excitedly, the other slow and hesitant (three guesses who, first two don't count). But they were just more preoccupied in being able to rest their hands on one another.

  
They had already stripped one another down, and at this rate, they were just procrastinating preparing themselves for what could have been their first time. Daichi's hand had been slowly running over himself, making sure to keep himself hard while the two of them continued to build up the courage to say that enough was enough and they were going to go through with this.

  
"I don't think I want to have sex with you tonight." Daichi said with a laugh as he combed fingers through Ennoshita's hair. "It's a good idea, but I'm enjoying this."

  
"Oh thank god!" Ennoshita laughed as he slumped against the second year, laughing a bit as he rolled off to the side and curled up against him. "I was enjoying it, but I still don't think I'm ready."

  
Of course, even with the decision to forgo sleeping with one another that night, this didn't mean Daichi was going to let Ennoshita away scott-free. "You were ready when you came in my mouth." He whispered to Ennoshita, voice almost sing-song as he teased him. A shove to the face and a flustered yelp of 'Shut up!' was his response, and also Daichi's signal to tug the discarded blanket off the floor.

  
"Don't be a jerk, _Dai-chan_." Ennoshita grumbled -- although the tone was affectionate. "You're...you're good with your tongue is all."

  
An arm slipped around him. "This is okay right?" Daichi asked, receiving a nod in assurance. "What can I say? Giving motivational pep-talks isn't all it's good for, Chikara." This left Ennoshita flustered a moment, but in a positive state of mind. It was good. Daichi wasn't upset that he seemed nervous, he was willing to wait and that meant something to him. The flip-flops in his stomach and the thrumming of his heart wasn't just a fluke.

  
"Hey, Daichi?" he said after a moment of silence between the two of them. A sound of acknowledge came from the second year as he pulled Ennoshita a little closer. "If i ever get nervous again, could you do that thing you did at first? Where you let me touch you until I calm down? It works really well."

  
Daichi could've asked 'How so?' or 'Does it?' in response to Ennoshita. But he left it at that, leaving Ennoshita with a much better response: "Anything you want."

* * *

 

  
"Shh, _shh_ \-- calm yourself." Daichi spoke quietly as he took Ennoshita's hands within his own, slowly guiding them to his cheek. Ennoshita had begun to tremble after Daichi's answer had processed with him. He'd opted to try and put the hand on his shoulder -- which was usually so reassuring for the to-be captain -- but instead it had caused the other to tense up, shaking and shivering as if he'd been left to freeze for hours.

  
Ennoshita tried to speak, but his lips were quivering and his gut was in knots making the sheer notion of even making a word feel impossible. With eyes squeezed shut, he tried to make sense of what his hands were feeling. It felt like damp leather, left outside in the rain but warmer to the touch. Rough, a bit oily and -- _natural_.

  
"Shh, Chikara..." Daichi whispered again, knowing that the conflicting emotions that had struck Ennoshita was a form of sensory overload for the hypersensitive youth. "Come on, you've done this before. You can get through this. Take your time. I can wait."

  
Shuddering, Ennoshita craned his neck upwards, his face pale, a small trickle of sweat running over his forehead -- was it left over from practice? Or was it from the anxiety? -- fell to the curve of his jaw. His fingers began to trace over Daichi's features, as if he were examining a map he'd drawn as a child that was being discovered all over again. Words were still failing him but having the reassuring voice of Daichi there to talk him through it...

  
He didn't need words.

  
He didn't need words when the chill of wintergreen was on his lips. Nor did he need words as he held Daichi's cheeks within his palms. He didn't need to say a thing as he stood there, simply savoring this stupid, risky rash decision that came from kissing his one-time boyfriend.

  
Somewhere, a ball smacked down on Daichi's side of the court.


	3. Three New Messages

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha...I need to not write things at 4AM.  
> Anyways, guess what. Have a taste of some Tanaka/Ennoshita.

"YOOOO, you kissed Daichi?!" was the uproar between Tanaka and Nishinoya while Ennoshita spoke with them during their break the following day. He had asked both of them quite sincerely if they would keep their voice down but apparently that was asking too much. A hand pressed over his face, causing him to whine slightly over the encounter with his classmates.

  
Nishinoya had practically crouched down in excitement over the news and had begun squirming about. "Nice one, Chi-san!" he cheered, the volume levels attracting a few girls passing by. "Man, you know he's taken though, right?! I mean all of us kind of knew, so don't pretend like you didn't!"

  
Tanaka's hand pat Ennoshita on the back a few times -- each contact causing a spark of electricity to surge through him. "Lookit my boy Enno-kun hittin' on taken guys!" With hand withdrawn, Tanaka brought his knuckle to his mouth, casting his gaze aside in parody of a shoujou program. "...My boy's growing up and hitting on senpais. I'm so proud...!" He choked out a fake sniffle and stared off toward the ceiling in faux admiration (of course the admiration was genuine, the persona wasn't).

  
"P-Please!" Ennoshita began to beg, hands outstretched as he aimed to settle them down -- as a friend, not a captain. "Be quiet! I'm not very proud of what I did! I was trying to confide in you!" His hands pressed together, nearly praying to them as he continued his attempt at relaxing his classmates. "I'm begging you, don't make such a fuss!"

  
This was how Ennoshita had become skilled at calming the two of them down. They took well to his requests. Maybe it was because the three of them had bonded quickly upon joining the volleyball club in their first year. Or maybe it was because for the first three weeks of high school Ennoshita had made lunch for the three of them, and their willingness to listen was inspired by the desire for free lunch again.

  
"Yo, you serious?" Nishinoya spoke up, tugging on Tanaka's arm to get his charade to drop. "Thought you'd be wicked proud of that, Chi-san." His lips pursed, pouting slightly with arms crossed over his chest.

  
"He's probs' just worried what Sugawara'll do to him if he finds out, huh?" Tanaka asked, still joking about the situation. Of course he was nearly instantly shut down as Ennoshita's eyes took on a certain ferocious shape as he stared down the future ace. Tanaka went silent, and so did the rest of the hallway.

  
"I'm serious." Ennoshita sighed quietly as he leaned against the wall, downcast and rather unhappy with himself. "But it kind of felt like it used to."

* * *

 

  
He stood there with hands resting upon Daichi's cheeks as the kiss continued on. He hadn't pulled away from Ennoshita, and in fact, he'd begun to breathe into the exchange. Still experiencing sensory overload, Ennoshita forced himself to focus on only one thing. Daichi. Focusing on him and nothing else would keep him calm and keep him from breaking down. It had worked before, and it would work again, wouldn't it?  
But Daichi began to return it, his eyes shut as he too became preoccupied in just the presence of Ennoshita against him. They had traveled back in time and it was Ennoshita's panic that brought them there. A brush of Daichi's tongue against his lips brought them back to the present as his mouth parted just so for the kiss to be furthered. It was a hesitant one, like that of first-timers learning what it really meant to exchange saliva.

  
He felt Daichi's head tilt and his hands rest in that sweet spot between Ennoshita's jaw and neck, holding him so he wouldn't strain himself. He couldn't tell -- especially as his tongue began moving with his senpais -- if this was innocent or not. And regardless of what it was, it was wrong.

  
Ennoshita pulled back, still breathless but for entirely different reasons. He couldn't look up. He couldn't bring himself to examine Daichi's face for a reaction. Whether it was good, or bad, or whatever. He couldn't bring himself to look up.

  
"I'm sorry." he murmured, bowing apologetically. Hands shoved themselves into his pockets so he could dig his nails into his palms without being scolded for the nerve-quelling act. "Please forgive me for acting recklessly. I've stepped out of bounds."

  
And still, without looking at Daichi, he was off. Back to him, making off in a run towards home, literally running away from his problem.

  
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. _Selfish_. Stupid. Stupid. That's what he kept muttering to himself as he ran home. He'd put that all to bed. He'd accepted that he and Daichi weren't anything anymore. He'd accepted that nothing would be the same. He'd made peace with it all. He was never going to be able to have that with Daichi again. Ennoshita had accepted this ages ago. They had something. It went somewhere for a while. And things got in the way.

  
Ennoshita had always believed that if people were meant to be together, the universe would somehow make it happen. He felt, if he was meant to be with Daichi like he had been he would've come back to him after assuming his position as captain. He would've tried to make amends for leaving Ennoshita high and dry like he had. At the very least...he would've made things officially over instead of just drifting away like he had.

  
He'd run rather far -- still a good ways from home, but he'd gone far enough that it was likely Daichi wasn't behind him. He'd heard him call after him as he began his escape, but there was no pursuit. That was to be expected. Daichi hadn't come back for him then, he wouldn't now. He'd ended up at the incline of the floodplane and found himself a bench to sit himself down at for a bit. It was dipping into twilight now, and he knew his mother would be calling him any minute to ask him where he was. But his mind was too busy, and his heart was shaking as if it were a vibrating bomb about to detonate. Seated on the bench, he placed his head in his hands, unable to truly figure out how he was feeling.

  
He wasn't sure when he'd started crying. Probably back when the panic began, since everything felt dried out and his head was heavy like was common when people expended all of their tears in one burst. It'd been a while since he cried. A long while. Ennoshita rose an arm to his face and began to wipe away any of the remaining droplets with his sleeve as a spare, shaking hand retrieved his phone from his pocket. Three text messages. One from his mother, asking him when he'd be home. One from Tanaka who had sent some sort of lewd joke regarding hearing that Ennoshita was staying late with Daichi. The final...from Daichi himself that simply read: " _You're forgiven._ "

  
And though it read honestly, to Ennoshita, he couldn't help but feel as if he'd been betrayed.

  
He ignored the texts from his club members and opened the one from his mother and quickly brought up a phone call instead. With her on the line he quietly said: "I had an anxiety attack...I'm kind of exhausted mom. Could you pick me up? No, I'm not too far. I just don't think I can walk it without collapsing."

  
Ennoshita was lucky, he had decided. At least when it came to his family. At least when it came to his mother. He was the only child who remained at home now, his elder brother and sister having moved out some time back. His mother was much older than the mothers of his teammates, having had Ennoshita in her late thirties. She was older, but that didn't mean she was frail by any means. She'd raised two other children of her own, both of whom were in their early twenties now and Ennoshita was nothing she couldn't handle.

  
What was hard to handle was that Ennoshita was only a half-sibling to his brother and sister. His father was different from theirs, as he was a product of his mother dating again after being widowed by her first husband -- a man twenty years her senior. Sometimes, it made life difficult. Especially considering that she had to raise a child without any assistance. Sure, his siblings helped while he was younger, but by the time he'd entered middle school they had decided they needed to move on. Living at home wasn't meant to be forever. Just until you were ready.

  
But that didn't stop Ennoshita from thinking himself lucky to have his mother. When Ennoshita'd been told he was hypersensitive as a child, his mother was quick and eager to make things easy on the boy. Obtaining whatever supplements she could to make sure her youngest child was comfortable with the sensory world around him.

  
As Ennoshita entered his house with his mother after she picked him up, she looked him over and placed a few vitamins within his hands. She was the only person in his life who could touch him without causing him to shudder, and for that he was grateful.

  
"You've been pushing yourself so much lately, Chikara." she said, her warm eyes saddened by the exhaustion on her sons face. She had grown accustomed to the sleepy demeanor Ennoshita wore, but she could truly tell when he was growing too tired for his own good. "It's not good for you."

  
Ennoshita leaned down to his mother, standing at a measly 152cm, offering her a smile. "I'm okay, mom. Really. I'm...doing something good with my life."

  
She waved a finger at him, smiling but still scolding him nevertheless. " _En no shita no chikara mochi._ " She said. "One who does a thankless task, don't become your namesake, Chikara. If the work is running you ragged, say no!" He smiled, a little embarrassed she'd bring up the meaning she applied to his name. "It's great that you're going to be captain but if you're going to have anxiety over it, back out!"

  
"Trust me, mom." Ennoshita said quietly, still making good on his smile. "This anxiety has nothing to do with becoming captain."

 

  
As he made his way up to his room after his mother doting on him to make sure he'd eaten properly to recover from the emotional disturbance, he'd discovered he'd practically started stripping layers of clothing. Thankful for the light workload of homework for the night, Ennoshita figured he could spare an hour to relax himself body and mind before diving into more mental stimulation.

  
Slumping he collapsed on his bed, laying face first and stripped of clothing, aside for boxer shorts and socks. It was an embrace on par with Daichi's as he remained motionless on the mattress a moment before he rolled on to his back. He hadn't even turned on any lights other than his desk lamp. And somehow the atmosphere in the room became all the more inviting.

  
Daichi was on his mind. He always was. But this was one of those times where he was really on his mind. So much that Ennoshita decided he'd slink back to his feet a moment to make sure his bedroom door was locked. Back on the bed again, he propped himself up with his pillow, lounging comfortable as an idle hand trailed between his legs.

  
He closed his eyes and pretended he was back in the side streets with Daichi. His lips were still touching his and instead of pulling away to apologize, he had pulled away and asked " _Is there somewhere we can hide together?"_

  
Ennoshita's fingers slid beneath the elastic of his boxer shorts, brushing through the manageable hair a moment. In his mind Daichi had glanced around and taken his hand and guided him down a small alley. He'd ignored any signs of potential life and pressed Ennoshita to the rough concrete of the brick wall behind him. His leg pressed between his, upper thigh grinding just gently against him.

  
He mimicked how he anticipated it to feel, his other hand began pressing and palming himself on the opposite side of his underwear while he alternated between this gesture and the need to wrap his fingers around himself. He exhaled, slipping into the fantasy again.

  
Daichi's mouth was at his neck, his hands having unzipped the jacket and pushed it from Ennoshita's shoulders. He sucked gently at first, hardly using any force but as Ennoshita rose his arms to wrap around Daichi, each suck became gradually more vicious, teeth scraping with every squirm from the second year.

  
Ennoshita gasped, having tugged his boxers down a little more with his incessant palming. Eyes remained shut as he brought the formerly friction obsessed hand to his neck, scraping at himself to mimic the desired pangs from Daichi in his mind. He hadn't realized he'd become so stiff so quickly, but he blamed it on the fantasy, and the way the fictional Daichi had decided to grope Ennoshita through his track pants.

  
" _That's good,_ " the imaginary Daichi whispered as his fingers traced the outline of Ennoshita's length in his pants. " _You're ready this time?_ " he asked inside of Ennoshita's head as he nodded, hair becoming mussed up on the pillow. He was exposed now and his hand had wrapped around his cock, beginning its familiar ritual of exploring every centimeter.

  
"Yeah...I'm ready..." Ennoshita had said aloud as his gesture continued, mind now focused on the way he imagined Daichi's weathered hands felt as he slipped into his pants. Oh, oh god. They were so jagged compared to the eternally soft surface of Ennoshita's hips and he had to experience it -- or something close to it, but nothing he could do in this position as he squirmed on the bed worked.

  
That was what was on his mind. Daichi's hands. Daichi's mouth. Daichi's voice. Daichi. And god...as Ennoshita's wrist flicked wildly, he became transfixed on the way he imagine Daichi's hand around him. Warm. Thick. Heavy. Damp. . .Full. . .Overwh. . . _elm_ . .. _ing_. . . _!!!_

  
"SHIT!" Ennoshita jerked about another moment and quickly began to fumble over on to his nightstand in search of a tissue. Retrieved just in time, he held it over himself to catch himself as he released, and rather unexpectedly. He sat up right, discarding the tissue into the wastebasket as he wriggled his way back into his undergarments.

  
He brought his hands to his face, ashamed of what he'd just done. He had thought he was over him by now, but clearly that wasn't the case at all.

* * *

 

  
Tanaka stole another clump of rice from Ennoshita's lunch as the three of them sat around with one another, Ennoshita burying part of his face into the same palm that had been used for his illicit affair with himself the night before. "So, you're sayin' you still have a thing for Daichi, yeah?" he asked, mouth full as it was.

  
"That's dangerous huntin' ground." Nishinoya added, also stealing from Ennoshita's lunch. "I hear Suga's pretty possessive of him outside'a practice."

  
Ennoshita swatted both of their hands with his chopsticks as he saw them going for his food again. He glanced at the prepared meal and sighed, turning it around for the more energetic duo to share. The idea of eating anything was turning his stomach. "I've never seen proof of that, to be honest..." he grumbled as he opted to drink from his bottle of water in order to calm his nerves.

  
"But you said he was kissin' back. So maybe they're like, y'know. Open. That polisci thing." Tanaka suggested, excited to be able to steal one of the meatballs from Ennoshita's box.

  
"Polyamory." Nishinoya correct. "Me and Asahi tried that with Sugawara for a while 'cause they were still together when I started to have my thing for him."

  
"You still tryin' that out?" Tanaka asked, eyes lighting up as he pointed to himself as if to suggest he be a third party for the ace and his tiny deity. The response was Nishinoya laughing proudly and ending the chuckle with a firm 'No.' But instead Tanaka turned his attention to Ennoshita, leaning forward with a smirk ever-so-dastardly. "How's about you and me then, Chikara? If you're lookin' for a good time you know I'm your man."

  
"Yeah," Nishinoya added, pointing at Tanaka with his chopsticks. "If you wanna date someone why don't you two hook up. Ryuu's single, so are you. Why not?"

  
He'd never thought about it. But there had been this ongoing stint within the club that everyone dates a teammate at least once, and well. It was a possibility. But in Ennoshita's mind there was that string being tugged firmly that held up a banner reading Sawamura Daichi. Not Tanaka Ryuunosuke.

  
He smiled, laughing, allowing himself to appear as if he'd believed the comment to be a joke. But of course, knowing Tanaka and Nishinoya, it could very likely be a serious advance being made at him. But serious things? Never quite in their nature.

  
"I'll think about it, alright?" Ennoshita said with a warm laugh. Of course, he'd close his eyes just long enough to miss the slight look of disappointment on Tanaka's face and the pat on the shoulder from Nishinoya. "Let me figure out what's going on with my captain position and the like first, okay?"

  
With eyes open and the world in clear view, Ennoshita was able to relax again. The second years were acting like second years again.

  
Yet a dark cloud hung over them, a metaphorical one that came when Tanaka and Nishinoya's laughter ceased and a shadow cast itself over Ennoshita.

  
And that hand that was so good at calming him down pressed into his shoulder and this time, instead of relaxing him it caused him a jolt of fear.

  
"Ennoshita. We have to talk."


	4. Words of Encouragement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahahaha [laughs nervously]
> 
> Okay so legit author note! Comments are great for me. They fuel me. I've got a LOT of ideas for this fic (that's why I'm updating it so fast!) and I was wondering what you'd like to see more of! I'm trying to figure out how to work on the pacing after the next chapter regarding a lot of my ideas. DaiSuga and TanaEnno are secondary ships in this story and I will be including more references to the ships throughout the story, but I'd like to know what sort of things I should be adding. 
> 
> There's definitely going to be some more smutty bits soon, but in addition to that, what sort of dynamics would you like me to touch on? I've got stuff planned for Ennoshita with Kinoshita and Narita coming soon, as well as his relationships with Kiyoko and Yachi. But which first years would you like to see him interacting with? How about other schools? I've been thinking about including him becoming friendly with Akaashi. Also wondering who you guys would like to see as the Nekoma captain. I'm siding against Kenma since I doubt he'd be about that lifestyle much more than he already is (I'm thinking Yamamoto, actually). How about Aoba Johsai? Also, what other ships would you guys like to see? I love rare pairs, and the more rare ships I can put into this the better!
> 
> So if you guys are enjoying what you're reading, let me know! I'd love to add things for the lovely bunch of you who keep reading and supporting me! [Blows kisses!]

The encounter with Daichi wasn't a negative one. As it were, it seemed as if Daichi was merely using his foreboding presence to make sure the other second years remained quiet while he had the chance to speak to Ennoshita. He simply was suggesting to the male that he had to stay late today so the two of them could go over captain procedures once the gym was free. There wasn't practice today, so at the very least they could discuss the lecture part of the position during the same time and do a quick sweep of the gym when they were finished.

  
Of course, either way, Ennoshita couldn't help but feel somewhat paranoid about this. Daichi's appearance during their conversation had been a bit unnerving, as if he might have been listening in on their discussion, waiting for the corrupt oppotunity to interject himself into the situation. This didn't go undetected by the other second years who proceeded to prod and poke fun at Ennoshita, suggesting that Daichi had become his jilted lover.

  
If anything, Ennoshita was the jilted lover. Sitting there, flustered with the other second years as they teased him was enough for him to put on his big-boy pants and take a stand. This time, as a captain, not as a friend.

  
And somehow, the perched crow that was Ennoshita Chikara had taken his first successful flight, as Nishinoya Yuu, and Tanaka Ryuunosuke quickly made their apologies.  
He was captain now, and they would learn how to back down when they'd gone too far.

* * *

 

"I saw you lecturing Nishinoya and Tanaka." Daichi said as he sat Ennoshita down in the back of his classroom on the third floor once the school day ended. He spoke so freely, casual. As if Ennoshita hadn't made such a fool of himself the night before. Maybe he was just pretending it hadn't happened so they could discuss matters without it getting in the way. For the second year though, it was stifling, knowing that he hadn't cleared the air with him. Sure, he apologized the night before and even received an acceptance of the apology, but things still felt tense. Perhaps it was because less than twenty-four hours earlier, Ennoshita had been writhing around on his bed, touching himself to the thought of his senpai.

  
"D-did you?" he asked, sitting politely, hands resting on the desk in front of him. A third years classroom felt no different from a second years -- he ought to have been accustomed to this. It wasn't since second year of middle school that he'd seen a different atmosphere to a classroom. "It wasn't really anything, I was just firmer with them than I usually am."

  
Daichi had begun to open his school bag, removing a binder with notes and instructions for the position. "That's one reason I chose you. Other than Sugawara, you're the only one I know who can keep them from causing all hell to break loose." He paused a moment, glancing out the window temporarily to watch the girls' basketball club doing warm-ups outside before entering the gym. "Actually," he began to add, opening the small binder. "You probably do a better job than he does."

  
"It's nothing special, Daichi, really." Ennoshita added, modesty his forte as Daichi retrieved a highlighter from his bag, starting to illuminate certain bits of text in the book. It wasn't his handwriting, it was far too neat. Ennoshita had seen Daichi's chicken scratch, and the way the kanji was written, it was likely either written by Sugawara or perhaps even Kiyoko. "I just know what to say to make them knock it off. Usually I tell them I won't pass on a compliment to Kiyoko, but that's going to have to stop soon, huh?"

  
Daichi peered up from the binder, making an x on a line near the bottom of the page, tapping his chin with the highlighter while placing a pen on the book and sliding it over the desk to the underclassmen. "You didn't today. You told them that if they wanted to continue receiving your support, they'd respect your flaws."

  
A jolt surged along Ennoshita's spine -- Daichi had been listening to that entire lecture, hand't he? He'd really put his neck on the line with his friends as he had scolded them. It was an impressive feat for him, and he was glad he'd gotten through to the two semi-delinquents. But to know that he'd been heard by others?

  
_"You two need to knock that off! I get that you're teasing me as a friend, but sometimes you need to understand that what you're saying can be legitimately hurtful and on top of that, disrespectful! Whether you like it or not, I'm the head of the team starting next term and if this attitude towards me and my anxieties continues I won't hesitate to cut you! I'm not just your friend, but I am your captain, your colleague and soon to be the driving force between this team's success as a unit or failure as an operation. I am not going to let the two of you screwing around mess with that! If you want to see to it that next year goes well for us all, I want a little more respect as a human being. I am flawed, but I am no means someone to take advantage of!_ "

  
"You heard me?" Ennoshita asked, lifting up the pen, suddenly insecure about what he'd said to his classmates. "I actually...thought I was being pretty harsh with them, really." he admitted, reading over the first page of the binder. It was a contract, officially signing Ennoshita over as captain of the Karasuno High School Boys' Volleyball Club. All he had to do was sign his name and it would be official starting the beginning of the next term.

  
"It was kind of harsh." Daichi said thoughtfully, although he was beaming at his understudy. "But they need that. Nishinoya and Tanaka are convinced life is more often than not a game they can take shortcuts in. And you're that road block. It's not a bad thing, but it's a reminder that sometimes the easier route isn't always ideal. Sometimes it takes hard work and understanding that in order to get from point A to point B, sometimes it takes a lot of time and you will need to respect your boundaries and those you meet along the way."

  
Ennoshita slowly scrawled 縁下力 down on to the signature line, laying the pen back down on the binder, starting to slide it back to Daichi. "That's very fatherly of you." he said quietly. "At least...I think it is?"  
"Ah, right...you're..." Daichi bit his lip, trying to find the most polite way to put it. "Born out of wedlock, right?" He could have suggested that Ennoshita was a bastard, but the point of the matter was that Ennoshita didn't take kindly to the term. At one point the second year had confided in him that he'd been bullied for it a lot as a child. Children called him horrible names during his youth and Daichi wasn't the one to make him feel shame for it. "I guess if you want to see that as fatherly, you could. I just see it more as a fact of life -- oh, hey you don't have to give the binder back. It's yours now. I admit I kind of had a few pages rewritten so you could read them but everything's the same. But I did add things from when I got it last year."

  
A smile flittered on to Ennoshita's lips as he flipped through the binder, amused at its condition. It was more than a few pages. If this had been the rumored captains-handbook he'd heard about, there was no way this was the original. The paper was crisp and had brand new tabs sectioning off each portion. And on top of that, it was covered in stickers and little motivational messages. "Hitoka-chan put this together, didn't she?" he asked, laughing quietly. "This is her handwriting, isn't it?"

  
Daichi laughed, sheepish and somewhat embarrassed for being called out on the lie. "You can tell, huh?" he asked. "I had requested that during one of the weekends where her work load was light she fix it up for me. But I guess she went all out, didn't she?"

  
"The words of encouragement are nice. I'm going to need that."

  
"Don't worry. You'll be fine."

* * *

 

  
Over the course of the next hour, Daichi proceeded to review the position with Ennoshita, flipping each page of the booklet, reviewing the contents with his replacement. Most of it was straight forward. That, aside for an emergency, Ennoshita had to be at every practice -- something that caused a pang of guilt in him -- and he would ultimately be responsible for the outline of every day's drills. Although that part was usually relatively loose, considering that Ukai handled most of that. It also added that this meant Ennoshita was officially club president and would have to attend other meetings, not just volleyball practice. Only on these days was he excused from missing practice since the meetings often coincided with practice. Yachi would likely be attending these meetings with him as she was manager and required to assist in the process as well. Thankfully for Ennoshita, he liked Yachi's management skills already and was glad to have an honors student helping out.

  
On top of that, there was the matter of the athletics festival and tournaments as well as training camps which Ennoshita would be collaborating with Nekoma and Fukurodani's new captains in order to work out. Both of them already knew Akaashi Keiji was set to be the next captain for Fukurodani, but no word yet from Nekoma. Aoba Johsai was also listed as a resource for Ennoshita, but Hitoka had opted to add a little note saying: _Beware! Might be bad blood!_ with a frowning, hand drawn emoji. The note caused the both of them to share a much needed laugh.

  
And for the most part that was it. Daichi looked up at Ennoshita, smiling warmly as he capped his highlighter and put it in his back. "And, that's really it. And you know you can ask me questions for the rest of the year too. Hell, you have my number so next year if I need to come back, call me if you have to!" He laughed, leaning back in his chair as Ennoshita closed the binder and slipped it into his own bag.

  
"I think I'm good." he said softly. "Mom warned me last night to not get in over my head, told me not to live up to my namesake."

  
"That quote about doing thankless work, right?"

  
He was impressed...He didn't realize Daichi even remembered that. Eyes averting, he scratched at his cheek, nodding. "Yeah, that one."

  
"I think you'll be receiving lots of thanks. From everyone."

  
And just like that...the warm, friendly, supportive air had disappated and replacing it was the thick smog of tension. Perhaps it was just from Ennoshita's perspective, but he'd been mentally beating himself up since he mentioned last night.

  
"Chikara." the captain spoke, using the others given name, reaching across the desk to place his hand over the other males. Not a forceful gesture. Not a friendly one. But a supportive one, the kind of warmth coming from his hand that came from him when he was reassuring him of his flaws or his anxieties. "...Why did you run away last night?"

  
With lips pursed, Ennoshita couldn't bring himself to look up, nor could he allow himself to pull his hand away. There was the tingle in his nerves warning him to be cautious at the sudden contact, but it was the kind that came from a piece of cinnamon chewing gum. It burned, but with a heavy sweetness that forced the chewer to keep going in order to savor more.

  
"I was scared." he said. "I don't know how else to put it, so don't ask."

  
"Come on, you know there's no reason to be scared around me." Daichi said quietly, still offering him a smile. "We've, we've got a past together, right? What're you so afraid of ---"

  
"I don't _know_ , Sawamura-san!" Ennoshita snapped, ripping his hand away from him, pulling back in his chair to stand up, guarding the hand close as if he'd personally been attacked and had to keep himself safe. Ennoshita was the sort who rarely called Daichi by his family name, and often went the familiar route. But when he referred to him with the other name, it was a given that something had upset him.

  
Daichi ought to know better than anyone. Never ask Ennoshita what he's scared of. Because more often than not, he didn't know. He was standing now, panic-stricken and pale compared to how he'd been just minutes prior. He was scared again. He didn't know what for. And he didn't know why he'd acted so violently. "I...I'm sorry..." he said, starting to back up, starting to lift his bag from the edge of the desk. "Could we finish tomorrow, I need to get home--"

  
"No." Daichi interrupted, his voice lower, utilizing that authoritative tone he'd grown to use during practice, standing up and making his way around the desk to his peer. "Don't run away again. We need to talk this out. "

  
"There's nothing to talk about. I just need to get home, just forget it." Ennoshita murmured, taking a step to the side to make his way toward the back door of the classroom.

  
"So you're expecting me to forget that for the first time _in a year_ you were kissing me again?? It doesn't work like that, Chikara! Tell me what's going on with you!"

  
"It was a fluke, Daichi! I wasn't sure what I was thinking, okay?! Can you drop it?!"

  
"Oh no, _ohhhh no_ , Chikara." Daichi added, stepping closer to him, hand combing through his hair with teeth tearing into his lip. "You were thinking. You had asked me what we had been, if we'd been together before. The whole time yesterday, you were trying to figure out what had gone on between us. I get it, Chikara, you still have feelings for me. You don't need to hide them! It's not like I'm going to treat you any differently!"

  
Somehow during the fury of words that escaped Daichi, Ennoshita had backed away, and now, Daichi was up in his face like a schoolyard bully.

  
He was twelve again and he was hearing the words _"bastard'_ and " _whore"_ for the first time. He was twelve again and children were holding him by the arms and kicking him in the stomach. He was twelve again and everything felt too extreme for him to make sense of. He was twelve again, and it was like he hadn't grown at all.

  
"Chikara." Daichi's voice dropped, realizing how close he'd found himself to the other male, noting how he'd flinched and had sunk his head against his shoulders like an animal trying to make itself look smaller. His eyes were shut and his fingers were pressed against the back wall, scraping as if seeking a way out. "I...I didn't mean to yell." he added, pulling back a bit to give him breathing room.

  
It was unlike Daichi. But if there was anyone in the club he knew well, it was Ennoshita. It was how the boy was like a mouse at times. Constantly nervous, constantly doubting himself, constantly fearful of nearly everyone around him. And Daichi had taken advantage of their friendship and pushed his limits. He tried to rationalize it in his head. He tried to figure out why he would yell at Ennoshita as he had.

  
He'd spent the night before laying in bed trying to make sense of what had had happened. A hand resting against his head as he dwelt on the pressure of Ennoshita's lips on his own. The familiar, nostalgic feeling of his first high school relationship. The little burst of excitement, like he'd done something against the rules, when he'd first kissed another boy came back to him when Ennoshita held his jaw to deepen the kiss. His heart had rattled when Ennoshita asked him the night before: What were we?

  
There had been many ways Daichi could have answered it. He wanted to say something corny, almost romantic and say " _My first love._ " when Ennoshita asked what he was to Daichi the previous year. But he was hardly the romantic sort.

  
But if he was hardly the romantic sort, why was he pressing his forehead to Ennoshita's, whispering apologetically for scaring him. Hushing him through the squeezing of panic that had coiled around him again. He'd been the cause of a lot of worry for Ennoshita the past forty-eight hours, and it was guilt that he'd found himself burdened with.

  
" _I'm so sorry..._ " he whispered, brushing a knuckle against his cheek, trying to reenact the small gestures he used to if his former lover was having a panic attack in the middle of the night. "I didn't mean it. I'm..."  
His hand at his side slipped close, grasping the other boys lacing his fingers within Ennoshita's grasp. What he meant by it? He wasn't sure... He squeezed Ennoshita's hand, continuing to hush the boy, coaxing him to open his eyes once more, hoping that maybe he could relieve the fear that struck him.

  
"I'm just not sure what we are now." he said, palm cupping the same cheek he'd been stroking. "It's just...I thought since you didn't come back last year that we were done."

  
Eyes cracked open again, and sleep-deprived, mahogany eyes took in Daichi's face again. The smile, the concern, the way his brows had curled upwards in worry for the other boy -- the glassy-eyed glow to his eyes as beads of tears had pooled at the corners. "...So what?" Ennoshita choked softly. "We...try again?"

  
"I don't know." he added, squeezing the boys hand. "Maybe? We can test the waters. See what's still there. See if it's anything more than just infatuation?" Daichi removed his hand from Ennoshita's cheek and wiped at his eyes, trying to brush off the idea that he had become emotional. "I mean...if that's alright with you?"

  
His hand finally grasped Daichi's back, squeezing it, more out of the need to know this moment was reality than anything else. "Aren't you with Sugawara now? I heard he's possessive of you...?"

"He's the one who told me to ask you what happened. He's hardly possessive."

"So he knows?"

"Yeah."

"Is he mad?"

  
"No. Our relationship, it's complicated. We're together, but we're not steady. We're casual. Besides, he really likes women, so who am I to stop him?" He laughed a bit, pulling his face away from Ennoshita to look over the face of the anxiety-stricken youth. He was still pale, but he'd relaxed, he could tell by the grip of his hand and the way he'd slouched against the wall rather than remain pressed against it. He'd always looked so tired, as if he'd been forgetting to sleep. Knowing how well he did in school, Daichi wouldn't have been surprised if Ennoshita were the sort to get under three hours of sleep each night.

  
"So everything Nishinoya and Tanaka said --"

  
"Not entirely true. They only see us as we are around the club. We're not actually..." A pause. " _Intimate_. We're, ah it's hard to explain. We're together, but it's really open, I guess. We're big on helping one another find longer relationships. Actually, er. He..." Daichi trailed off, lips pursing momentarily before they brushed against Ennoshita's as an act of promise. "Encouraged me to take a chance with you not too long ago. He didn't just mean as my new captain but, ah..."

  
Daichi went quiet, his cheeks warming up, embarrassed at himself for what he ended up saying. "As a boyfriend. Again. But for real this time."

Huh.


	5. Everything Hurts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still taking ship and character requests! Had a teeny bit of writer's block, but I'm working through it!

Almost two years ago...

* * *

  
"I-I'm Ennoshita Chikara, sir!" a shaky, fourteen year old version of himself announced, terrified of what sort of repurcussions the high school world might hold for him if he didn't speak clearly. But he'd already stammered over his own words and he was already fumbling during his first club meeting. His hands kept fidgetting, unable to handle just how clammy they felt. Normally, they didn't feel this horrible until he'd actually been exerting himself in some sort of physical activity. But none such activity had been done yet. Standing at just barely over 170cm himself, his eyes could not help but continue darting to the person next to him. Somehow, this person next to him, whom he guessed stood at under 150cm, was raring and eager to go.

  
"What position do you play, Ennoshita?" The voice was snide, gruff and a bit condescending. "You look like a bench warmer to me." Of course, he was smiling, but Ennoshita could not help but feel himself growing insecure.

  
"Wing spiker, sir!" he said firmly, nearly proud of the statement. It was as if he was a soldier, being drilled by a particularly nasty sergeant in an American military movie. This was volleyball, not a battlefield. Yet something told him this coach saw the court as a war zone.

  
"Too bad, til we get more of 'em we're gonna need you and the taller baldy as our middle blockers." A few people over from him, a rather shy looking first year with a shaved head waved fingers cautiously at Ennoshita, smiling weakly. Ennoshita was in no position to argue. He'd blocked before in middle school but it wasn't his best position, so nodding his head, he stepped away to join the other first year.

  
"And what about you, shorty?" the coach said to the tiny first year who'd still been bouncing from foot to foot. "Lemme guess, you're some smart ass who's goin' to tell me you're a setter."

  
"I'M NISHINOYA YUU! I CAN BE IF YOU WANT ME TO BE!" came the response, more of a yell than a confirmation than anything else. "I'll try anything once! You want me to be setter? Got it! Wing spiker, sure! Towel manager, I'd rather not, but I can play! Trust me!"

  
This actually drew out a laugh from the older gentleman, as if enthused by the amount of energy from the tiny athlete. "You're a libero, ain't ya?"

  
"YESSIR." he yelled again. "BUT I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU W--"

  
"You're stayin' a libero."

  
The first practice was a practice match between the group of first years (seven in total with a rotating libero-middle blocker formation) and the second and third years. Ennoshita was asked to be setter for the match since the only one of the entire club was on the opposing team. It was loosely set up, but for all intents and purposes, it would work for the time being.

  
Pulling the mesh practice jersey over his gym clothes, Ennoshita heard a whistle from the mouth of another student, and found himself being beckoned over by one of the older students, face traced over with the cord of the net. Beneath the bottom rim, he held out a hand to him, smiling warmly.

  
"Sawamura Daichi," he introduced himself pleasantly as Ennoshita glanced at the open palm, a knot of anxiety in his gut. "Don't let him get to ya, he's a hard-ass, but he's a legacy coach y'know."

  
Declining the handshake, Ennoshita bowed in greeting instead, muttering a soft apology. "I...have a thing about hands, my apologies." he murmured. "But I'm not going to, at least I don't intend to. He brought this school to nationals before, so I can't say he's not my reason for coming here in the first place."

  
Looking only slightly crestfallen, Daichi withdrew his hand, rubbing the back of the neck, perhaps wondering if he'd been too forward. He was a broad individual, and he knew he could come off as just slightly menacing. "Gotta admit it to ya, Karasuno hasn't been doing too hot. We're kind of in a slump, but I promise we're not the kind of team to give up!"

  
"Are you the captain?" Ennoshita asked him, brow raised, still a bit anxious.

  
"N--" The sound of the coach's whistle interrupted them and a ball came flying through the court into Ennoshita's hand.

  
"You're up, kid. First serve!"

  
"We'll talk later, okay?" Daichi said with a slight wave. "I'd like to talk to all of you, actually! Let's have a good game, alright?"

* * *

 

For a group of first years, they were good. Not good enough to win two sets, but good enough to win one and come close in a second. They found, somehow, after never having known one another before, they had a chemistry that showed itself quite loudly on the court. And their tiny libero, Nishinoya was his name, seemed to keep them all interwoven. If one of them missed, the shorty swooped in between the floor and the ball like a teleporter.

  
"Not bad!" the second year from before called out after them, rushing up to them with two others -- a rather terrifying looking youth with part of his hair tied into a tiny tuft, the other a neatly trimmed boy with hair appearing to be of ivory. "Ennoshita-kun, was it?" he asked again, pointing at the youth. "This is Azumane Asahi, and Sugawara Koushi. The other second years."

  
"It's nice to meet you," the ivory-complexion Sugawara greeted, but only a silent nod came from the other who seemed a bit perplexed with the very idea of Nishinoya's small frame. "Ah, don't mind Asahi, he's big and scary-looking but he's a marshmallow. Really he's just shy. You should have seen him last y--"

  
A hand pressed on top of Sugawara's head, pushing down before Ennoshita noted how it fell from his head to slowly slip into the other males pale hand, squeezing it like a stress toy.

  
"Don't let them bug ya." Daichi said, leaning in with his mouth partly covered. "They started dating end of last year and they're still trying to figure out what sort of PDA flies at club."

  
Ennoshita snorted back a laugh, but it turned into a rather sudden yelp as something grabbed at his sides, prodding at his waist and making him jerk forward. "SO THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS! NICE CALL, NISHINOYA-SAN!" called the other of the two shaved headed boys, this one with a particularly nasty looking grin on his face. He'd snuck up behind Ennoshita and decided to drive his fingers into his sides.

  
With his attention driven away from the senpais, Ennoshita turned, his face glowing red from embarrassment trying to make his way toward the other student. "What was that for?!" he yelled, almost sounding bossy. "I didn't say you could touch me!"

  
"You didn't let ANYONE touch you since you got here!" the other student snorted back, laughing at the reaction that still had caught everyone's eye. "You didn't even shake your upperclassmen's hand when he stuck it out, what're you? Afraid'a cooties or somethin'?!"

  
"Shut up! I just don't like being touched!" Ennoshita shouted, starting to get closer to the other first year, his hands bunched into fists. He might not have liked touch, but he wasn't afraid to punch someone. It had worked as a child when people touched him then, and it would work now.

  
The third years had already left for the day. They didn't seem to want to preoccupy themselves with the first years. After all, there were so many people beneath them. Why did they need to stick around when the second years seemed to have it covered.. Somewhere behind him there was a cry of: "Sawamura-san _no_!"

  
And Daichi had pushed past Sugawara and Asahi and made his way to the rambunctious first year, the sleeves of his jacket rolled up as he grasped a hold of his arm. "Who the hell do you think you are doing that without permission?" he barked into the face of the student. "Besides, what gives you the idea that you can just harass your teammate like that?! You did fine on the court with him, so why are you treating him differently off the court?"

  
"Knock it off, I'm just messin' around man. I don't mean anythin' by it." he growled, trying to pry the hand off of him.

  
"What's your name?"

  
"What the hell's --"

  
"What is your _name_?" Daichi asked again, mor firmly this time.

  
"Tanaka Ryuunosuke, why do you care? You ain't captain."

  
"Yes, I am."

  
The shaved student squinted, looking Daichi up and down, somewhat curious as to whether that statement was true. Or was he just pulling his leg. It was a bold claim, especially coming from a second year. The only real time that second years became captains was if there were no second years the prior year, or come the second half of the school term. But as it was just beginning, the claim seemed unlikely.

  
"You're captain?" Tanaka asked, wiggling a finger around to gesture at him, brow raised, not believing the statement. "Pretty sure those were third years I saw leavin' a little while ago."

  
"They both declined to be captain, so I offered instead. Don't believe me, ask coach."

  
"Yeah, I believe you," Tanaka snorted, tone sarcastic like a teen trying to seem edgy for defying authority. "Just let me go, will ya? You're gonna bruise me at this point."

  
"Like you bruised him?" Daichi asked, finally releasing his arm. "I catch you touching him without permission again, you'll be out of this club before you can even begin to doubt yourself."

  
With a snort, Tanaka shrugged off the threat and started to make his way away from the group of students. Under his breath he grumbled something along the lines of how it was going to be a tough semester. With him out of sight, and out of the gym, the previously menacingly posed Daichi hunched over as something whacked him against the back of the head.

  
"Stop telling the first years you're captain!" came the bark of Sugawara as he had berated him with an empty water bottle. "Just because you're good at sounding like one, doesn't mean you are! What'll Kurokawa-san say if he finds out?"

  
The second year turned to Sugawara and Asahi, smiling rather sheepishly, embarrassed at being caught in what was apparently an act. "I couldn't help myself, it was too good an opportunity. Besides, --"

  
"You're not the captain?" the small libero asked as he popped up next to Ennoshita, taking him by surprise. He stepped to the side, wary of his intentions since the other loud-mouthed first year he'd been hanging around decided to mess with him. Better safe than sorry.

  
"No, he's not. He told us he was going to tell the first years he was, and we told him it was a bad idea but here he is, doing it anyways." Sugawara appeared to be entirely unhappy with his fellow second-year, scoffing at him. "I'm sorry for his behavior, he's a bit of a jokester."

  
As the conversation deviated into a discussion about the shortcomings of Sawamura Daichi, the student approached Ennoshita, that same warm smile on his face. "Guess I understand why you didn't want to shake hands. Not a touch person, huh?"

  
His head shook. "Not...Not really." he muttered, expression downcast toward the planks of the gym floor. What an embarrassing conversation to be having his first time meeting someone.  
"Something tells me you prefer a rough touch than a gentle one, right?"

  
And like that Ennoshita was looking forward at the older wing spiker's face, knowing full well he'd begun to darken a few shades. What sort of question was that!? "S-Senpai, that's really uncalled for! Isn't that question a little personal?"

  
Confusion was the element that struck the older student, unsure as to where Ennoshita was coming from, but as he rattled the words around in his head he began to see just where the younger student might have misunderstood him. A similar color washed over his face as well, and instead of calmly trying to explain himself, it came out sounding more like a panicked yelp. "I meant balls! Hitting you! RECEIVES! It's a rough contact! You seemed alright with it!"

  
The sudden excitement from the two of them was enough to turn heads of the other students still cleaning up the gym, leaving poor Ennoshita stricken with humiliation. He didn't like standing out. He was just here to play volleyball, and already he was making a scene. First because his condition was messed with, and now because he misunderstood someone and made an ass of himself. He swore he didn't have a dirty mind, but the way he said it.

  
"I'm so sorry, I didn't understand what you meant!" he ended up blurting into his hands, trying to shrink away from the situation. "It just didn't make sense any other way--"

  
"No, no, no, it's on me!" Daichi interjected. "I probably could have worded it better. I was trying to ask if you're alright receiving since it seems you don't like being touched."

  
"No, no it's alright. I understand now." Ennoshita murmured, the noise now dying down, allowing for everyone else to resume cleaning. He crouched down to pick up one of the stray balls from the floor, beginning to make his way toward the bin to discard it into. "It's...people touching me that bothers me." he said, draping a towel over the edge of the cart along with his removed jersey.

  
"That's good to know," Daichi said, pushing the cart toward the storage closet as Ennoshita continued to pick up scattered balls from the floor. "I'll pass it on to Coach Ukai too. But uh, you know people tend to collide into one another on the court, right?"

  
"I'm prepared for that. When it's accidental, it doesn't seem to bother me, it's if it's deliberate, I suppose." Another ball discarded into the cart as Ennoshita held the door open into the storage closet for him. "It happened in middle school a lot, so it's alright."

  
"Are you going to be alright playing with him? He seems like the kind of guy who'll take advantage of this now, knowing that it bugs you." Daichi added, expression softening in the way that showed concern, but not pity. "If he's going to bother you --"

  
"I'll manage, thank you."

  
It was altogether an unpleasant conversation for Ennoshita. He didn't like having to inform people that he thought that a discussion was pushing it. Sure, it was the sort of conversation that was coming from someone who appeared to have good intentions, but his response to touch wasn't really anyone else's business. Of course, Tanaka Ryuunosuke decided to make it everyone's business by getting into his personal space. But he supposed it was all said and done and there was no changing it.

  
"You know I'm not gonna use this against you, right?" Daichi added as Ennoshita had begun to make his way out. "Just looking out for you. You may have to be a blocker this year, but I'd like to actually see you play as you want to."

His lips quirked into a slight smile, nodding, rather thankful to hear someone say that. It was a bit disappointing to walk into this club only to be told he wasn't allow to play the position he had been so accustomed to. "Maybe sometime." Ennoshita said politely. "Thank you."

* * *

 

If there had been anything Ennoshita had prepared himself for as a first year in high school, it was the feeling of having to walk home alone. He'd leave school or practice, by himself. Perhaps he'd put in headphones, and he'd be left to walk to his house by himself. Fortunately he wasn't too far. If he wanted to, he could take the train a single stop and be home in a few minutes but the walk wasn't bad either. A thirty minute walk or a five minute train ride. He'd take the walk by himself and spare embarrassing himself around the other high school students who'd all clumped together with friends to walk home with.   
He wasn't sure how he felt about that club yet. Most of the other first years seemed just fine. Two were a little disinterested as he could tell, and there was that other blocker along with him and one of the new wing spikers. And then the loudmouth and the libero. A hand dropped to his waist and Ennoshita rubbed at the tender spot that had been prodded against his will. The third years hadn't made much of an impression on him, obviously. After all, with one of them being captain and vice captain, Ennoshita didn't seem to even notice their authoritative flair since he had almost been tricked by Daichi's little charade.

  
Yeah, those second years were something. That big scary looking one and the light haired guy...they were dating? That could be awkward. Ennoshita had never been around _people like that_ , and now he was going to be in close proximity to them, wasn't he? What would happen in the locker room? Would they be checking him out? It was weird to think about. He pulled out his mp3 player and skipped the current song. It was too moody for his tastes. But what about that Daichi guy...what was with him being so interested in Ennoshita's response to touch? Was he-- Was he one of them too? Had he been trying to flirt with him.

  
His arms rubbed up and down his biceps, as if trying to warm up. But in this case he was trying to shake off the feeling of being flirted with by a man. He couldn't have been. No, no, no -- he was just being friendly and supportive.

  
He had to be. Threatening to kick a kid out of a club for touching you isn't really a good example of flirting anyways. Ennoshita had to remind himself: he was in high school now. People of all sorts would be coming into his life. Jackasses who touched him without persmission, homosexual volleyball players, and weird flighty wing spikers. He was an accepting person, but already it was a lot to take in. He didn't want to even _think_ about how college might be for him down the line.

  
He pressed a finger to his neck, finding his pulse, and checking his watch. It was a little high for his liking. He'd need to settle his mind down if he wanted to avoid a full-out explosion of unwarranted anxiety. But as he scanned his surroundings, he quickly knew this was not a good place to take a rest.

  
When he was growing up, there was a part of his neighborhood he avoided. It wasn't a bad area, exactly, but the kids that hung out there were the problem. They weren't gang affiliated, or even bad people. They were just mean. Kids were always mean. And they were mean because they knew about Ennoshita's mother. It was no secret in this neighborhood that Ennoshita Hiyoko had had three children, and her third was had out of wedlock. It was no secret that for many years, Ennoshita Hiyoko had been dating many men, seeking a new husband. And it was no secret that one of the boys in this neighborhood had been nicknamed The Whore's Burden.

  
And it was no secret that Ennoshita was that boy.

  
His pace began to quicken, knowing he should've taken the train instead. Pulse quickened as he made a note of the house numbers, mentally swearing at himself for being stupid and not noticing the direction he'd been going. He could've been able to avoid this if he took the train instead. He could feel the atmosphere thickening as something familiar seemed to echo through the air.

  
_"Is that Chikara-kun~_ " Someone called out.

  
"I thought he'd killed himself!"

  
"No way, you mean he's STILL living with that shame? What a loser!!"

  
Turning slowly, Ennoshita felt as if he'd walked into some sort of trap. A trio of teens, all a bit older than himself had started walking toward him. All in uniforms for different schools, but all closely strung together as if they were classmates. Two boys, one girl approaching him as if to block him off.

  
He was twelve years old again.

  
"Oh my _god_!" The girl said, covering her mouth with her hand, nails painted an obnoxious shade of pink, her hair bleached sloppily. "It _IS_ Chikara! I totally thought you were dead! None of us had seen ya in like," She began counting on her fingers. "Three years?"

  
"Man, I can't believe this fucker's still alive," one of the guys, a bit taller than Ennoshita dark scraggly hair brushed to one side, his school uniform's tie undone and jacket wrinkled.

  
The third boy laughed, his voice low and husky. "We could change that, y'know."

  
Ennoshita began to put his hands up as his chest began to clench. He was twelve again and these kids had cornered him in a playground. They'd taken turns kicking him, laughing and calling him slurs. It was going to happen again. For the entirety of middle school he had gone a round-about route to catch the train to get to and from, but now that high school had begun he needed to do it again. He'd crossed their paths and he was alone. In middle school he could at least manage to have a friend walking with him. They wouldn't go after him if he was in a group.

  
"I don't want trouble." Ennoshita said, contemplating taking out his wallet and given them any of the money he had on him to perhaps bribe them from attacking him -- of course, that would mean he would be going without food at school for the next week, but that was another matter entirely.

  
"Maybe you should'a offed yourself then, no one likes a bastard."

  
"I just want to go--"

  
Before Ennoshita could let another word out, something had struck him hard, weight upon his cheek, knocking him back with a stumble. A fist had collided with his face and he was helpless to react.

  
_"Something tells me you prefer a rough touch than a gentle one, right?"_

  
The laughter of the three students rang in his ears over the sound of music from the single earbud. He plucked it out, knowing he would likely be getting them broken either way. Tongue wriggled around in his mouth feeling the scrape of his inner cheek from the first blow, tasting the metallic tang from the torn gums. He rose a hand again, palm open to try and convince them to stay back.

  
But no act or plea, whether verbal or physical convinced them otherwise.

  
Another fist struck him in the gut, forcing him to double over and hold his stomach to contend with the throbbing ache. It was the second blow that somehow invited the other kids to continue the beating. Ennoshita was not a strong person. No matter which fortitude someone looked at, Ennoshita was not strong. He was weak-willed, weak-natured, weak all around.

  
The kind of touch Ennoshita preferred was neither rough nor gentle.

  
It was a kind touch that he preferred.

  
He'd crumpled on to the ground. He was twelve again. Arms were raised over his head to protect himself as feet collided with him on second, while fists grabbed him by the collar and tugged him up to throw another fist into his face.

  
This was why he was called the Whores Burden.

  
Ennoshita always lived up to his name sake. He did work without being thanked and never expecting thanks. And in this case, he always worried his mother. He would return home bruised and bloodied and his mother fretting over him. She'd get worked up, suggest calling the police to deal with the delinquents. Of course, whenever she did call, nothing would ever get done. After all, why would cops help a whore accuse a bunch of _perfect angels_ of beating up her son? He probably deserved it.

  
His eyes squeezed shut as he limply was brought back to his knees by the sloppily dressed male. Hopefully he'd be too tired to react after this hit. Hopefully they'd leave. Hopefully they'd --

  
The smack came, and Ennoshita slumped on to the ground. But he never felt the punch. Instead, the punch came from someone outside.

  
"YO." came a thick, angry sounding voice. Familiar, but not all together comforting. It was enough of a familiar voice to know that he might be alright now. Was it that second year...? Sluggishly, Ennoshita's focus shifted to his bullies, the one who had aimed to attack him, holding his face where a nasty bruise was already forming a nasty splotch. "Knock that shit off."

  
"Oh screw this, mind your own business, ya dick." The huskier boy groaned as he grabbed at Ennoshita again, only for the holder of the voice to get between them, this time physically. His eyes squeezed shut as he figured he'd take a moment to examine the supposed rescuer once he could stave off the dizziness from having his head pummeled a few times too many.

  
"What the hell did I just say!?" he snarled, the sound of another punch echoing in the air. "I don't know what your problem is with him, but you don't just go around fuckin' with people!" There was the sound of a scream and the girl of the trio ran off, leaving the boys in her stead. "You got a problem with him, take it up with me. I can fight back!"

  
It was only another moment or so, but the delinquent-looking boy got to his feet and made his way out of the scene, not wanting to risk another punch to the face. A second after, the other followed suit.  
"Yeah they better fuckin' run. I'm itchin' to bash some skulls in..." the rescuer said as he crouched down in front of Ennoshita, offering a hand to help him sit upright again. "Yo, Noya -- bring that first aid kit ya swiped!"

  
Ennoshtia blinked a few times and finally made some sense of who had come his way. Of all people...

  
"Tanaka...?" he asked quietly, finding that there was too much pain from the bruises and welts forming on his body to mind the other helping him sit up. "...What did you do that for?"

  
He grimaced, looking away from his fellow first year as the tiny libero from the club came rushing over to them, practically skidding to a halt as he sat on the ground with the two of them. "Damn it! I missed it? Ryuu was talking about how he was gonna kick their asses after he heard them!"

"--You're already using first names?" Ennoshita commented, a little astounded by the instance bond between the two of them. "Wait, heard them?"

  
Nishinoya pulled out a small white box from within his school bag that said "Karasuno High School Boys' Volleyball Club" on the outside of it. Ennoshita gave him a displease stare, but sighed -- it was useful, and they were from the club so it didn't seem to be that problematic an idea. "Yeah, after we left, we saw these kids hangin' outside the school gates in different uniforms talkin' shit about you. Or at least we thought it was you, so we decided to follow them."

  
"Hold still." Tanaka said as he pulled a bottle of disinfectant from the box, reaching out to grab Ennoshita's chin to keep his face still. Though he hesitated, Ennoshita nodded, allowing him to get closer. The spray contacted him and he flinched. "Told Yuu I was gonna kick their ass if they did anything. You might be a nerd, but you don't deserve gettin' your ass handed to you."

  
Eyes focusing in another direction, Ennoshita snorted rather apathetic to the compliment. "It's nothing, I've dealt with it before."

  
"You shouldn't have to!" Nishinoya spouted as he started to pull some bandages out of the box. "Man, too bad we didn't get here faster. You took a real beating."

  
A kind touch is all he wanted.

  
"I'll be fine." Ennoshita said quietly, a bit embarrassed to be caught in this situation. "It happens all the time."

  
"Yeah, well that's why it's bullshit!" Tanaka spat out loudly as he took one of the bandages from Nishinoya and cautiously put it over Ennoshita's cheek. "All your teeth still there? Open up --"

  
"Not exactly," Ennoshita followed up, actually laughing a bit. "They knocked one of my teeth out when I was younger, so don't worry about it." A hand grasped around Ennoshita's wrist and he froze a moment -- it was a rough touch. Like receiving an attack and successfully tossing it back over the net.

  
"Are you sure?" Tanaka asked, leaning in, appearing as if some sort of oni as he came in closer.

  
"Why are you helping me out after what you did?"

  
"I felt bad."

  
"You should." Ennoshita added, finding no reason to pull his arm back. "It was uncalled for and you really should apologize to me properly. What you're doing is a kind gesture, but I'd like an apology."

  
"I'm sorry for getting in your personal bubble." came the quick reply of the other as Nishinoya handed him another bandage to place on a particularly nasty scrape on Ennoshita's hand.

  
"Apology accepted." was the response as Ennoshita felt something calming inside. He wasn't scared right now. In fact, it was a nice feeling. It was something reassuring.

  
It hurt to smile. But it was okay.


End file.
